The Art of Self-Kindness
How to Be Kind to Yourself and Why It Matters
Hey there, friends. It’s been an emotionally heavy week. As I’ve endeavoured to show others kindness while doing the final author edits on my upcoming book, I realized that I hadn’t done an outstanding job at something crucial—being kind to myself.
So, amid everything, I’m taking a break to write about it. (I have to get this out of my head now! :-) ) It’s not a long read like I’ve been doing on some kindness-related topics lately.
When you’re done, I’d love for you to take a moment to consider what you’ve read and respond by expressing how it resonates with you.
The Dilemma of Self-Kindness
We often hear about the importance of being kind to others, but what about being kind to ourselves? For many, self-kindness can be the most challenging form of kindness to practice. We tend to be our harshest critics, holding ourselves to impossible standards and berating ourselves for our perceived failures. But here’s the truth: self-kindness is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity.
Here, I want to help us consider why self-kindness is so important and provide a handful of practical strategies for treating ourselves with the same compassion we desire to extend to others.
Understanding Self-Kindness
Self-kindness is the foundation of emotional resilience and mental well-being. When we are kind to ourselves, we create a supportive inner environment that allows us to thrive, even in the face of challenges. It helps us recover from setbacks, boosts our self-esteem, and enhances our ability to be kind to others. Self-kindness is not about being self-indulgent or complacent; it’s about recognizing our humanity and treating ourselves with the same compassion we offer to friends and loved ones.
From a Christian perspective, self-kindness aligns with the biblical command to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). This verse implies that we must first understand and practice love for ourselves to love others genuinely. Additionally, we are reminded that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), underscoring our inherent worth and the importance of treating ourselves with kindness and respect.
Many of us struggle with self-kindness due to ingrained habits of self-criticism, perfectionism, and negative self-talk. These patterns can be reinforced by societal messages that equate self-worth with achievement and productivity. Further, past experiences, cultural conditioning, and even religious traditions can make prioritizing our needs and well-being difficult. Recognizing these barriers is the first step toward overcoming them and embracing self-kindness.
Practical Strategies for Cultivating Self-Kindness
Practice Self-Compassion
You can start by treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend. When you make a mistake or face a difficult situation, remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect. Use kind and understanding language when talking to yourself. For instance, instead of saying, “I can’t believe I messed up again,” try saying, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m learning and growing.” Remember the words of Jesus: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).Set Realistic Expectations
Avoid setting unrealistic standards for yourself. Acknowledge your limitations and recognize that it’s okay to ask for help. Break your goals into manageable steps and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.Engage in Positive Self-Talk
Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, pause and reframe your thoughts in a positive light. For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll never be good enough,” remind yourself, “I am capable and worthy of love and respect.” Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” highlighting the impact of our words, even those we speak to ourselves.Prioritize Self-Care
Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. This can include activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul, such as exercise, meditation, reading, or spending time in nature. Self-care is not selfish (there’s an entire post in the works just for this!); it’s essential for maintaining your overall well-being. Jesus himself took time to rest and pray (Mark 1:35), setting an example for us to follow.Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can develop a greater awareness of your inner dialogue and cultivate a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Try incorporating mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation, into your daily routine. Psalm 46:10 reminds us, “Be still, and know that I am God,” ultimately encouraging us to find peace and presence in His presence.
Overcoming Challenges to Self-Kindness
Addressing Self-Criticism
Self-criticism can be deeply ingrained, but it’s possible to change this habit consciously. When you notice critical thoughts arising, please take a moment to challenge them. Ask yourself if you would say the same thing to a friend. This perspective shift can often help you see your situation objectively and respond kindly. Remember, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).Building a Support System
Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Share your struggles with trusted friends or family members who can offer encouragement and remind you of your worth. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can help you feel more connected and less isolated. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.”Seeking Professional Help
If self-kindness feels particularly challenging, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor. Professional help can provide you with tools and strategies to address underlying issues and develop a healthier relationship with yourself. Proverbs 11:14 tells us, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors, there is safety.”
Embracing the Journey of Self-Kindness
Learning to be kind to yourself is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, practice, and a willingness to challenge deeply held beliefs about self-worth. But the rewards are profound. You can create a more resilient, compassionate, and fulfilling life by cultivating self-kindness. Remember, you deserve the same kindness and care that you so readily give to others. Start today, and take one small step toward a kinder, more loving relationship with yourself. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32)—and that includes being kind to yourself.
Where the Rubber Meets the Road…
As you consider this area of self-kindness, I’d love to hear from you. What are some ways you’ve learned to be kind to yourself? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below. This is all part of supporting each other in creating a community where kindness thrives.
The world has too many critics.
We need more kindness.
Pass it on.
Whether in your workplace, home, or community, kindness is not just a virtue—it's a way of life that enriches our lives and those around us. Kindness starts within each of us, moving out into our families, expanding into our communities, and then reaching around the world.
This is the message of my upcoming book, Kindness For Life: Raising Kind Children Who Become Kind Adults Who Build a Kinder World, which will be available soon.
